Soon, it will be Emma’s first birthday. Just like weddings, I’ve heard horror stories of parents stressing over their child’s birthday party. If I were to choose, I would just bring her to Disneyland or something. However, grandparents want the celebration. The culture is such that we have to celebrate it with relatives, and so we will expect another big family gathering. The good thing is, I’m not doing most of the planning this time. My mother-in-law has taken charge of it. All I plan to do is set up my daughter’s photoshoot. Get her to smash into a cake and capture those adorable baby moments of exploring what whipped cream is!
Time really flies. My girl is walking away from babyhood. The other day she took her own steps on the walker. She learns fast, and is eager to explore everything. Although, she is very sensitive to her surroundings and new faces. I hope it is a stranger anxiety phase she is going through. We are at my in-laws now and she is sticking to me like glue. She cries at every new voice or face that enters the house. As a mother, I worry naturally if I am doing anything wrong in her upbringing. My girl has been used to quiet, calm environment to sleep. She doesnt nap well in noisy places. There are always passing comments that mention I should bring her out more. Have her see more people. I do bring her out. Then , when I want to bring her out more, my mother says not to do it as she will get used to going out all the time.
Seriously, nothing I do is right. I get so overwhelmed sometimes in my quest for providing the best dor my daughter, that I’ve even thought of just letting a car ram me over so I can leave this world and be done with all this. But of course, those are just my thoughts. I let it run, I mourn over it, and then I swallow it. It’s tough being a mother. I wonder if it was this complex back in the days when life was simpler.