To be or not to be

Seems like this question has been on my mind recently, but I don’t have a choice as I am already a mother. Lately, I have been yearning to be alone. I feel tired and annoyed easily by my girl’s behaviour. She is standing now, and crawling about at lightning speed. It is also a wrestling game when it is time to change her diaper, remove and put on her clothes. It truly is exhausting.

I want to be a good parent. It takes a lot of patience to not get frustrated or angry as well. I feel like I’m living at the bottom of a well. No matter what I do or how I do it, it is still not good enough. If I do become patient and take things more relaxed with her, I am criticized for spoiling her and she will grow up disobedient. If I lose my patience and show my temper or anger because she is screaming away in her stroller refusing to take a nap even though she’s been awake too long, I am criticized for being too stressed up.

So I am not suppose to show my anger, and I am nkt suppose to be too lenient. I am not suppose to let her play and explore with household items lest it becomes a habit in the near future. But I am not suppose to let her play with toys too much as well. I am not suppose to let her play with smart devices. But I am not suppose to restrict it altogether as well. I am not suppose to look after her too much as she will get too attached to me. But I am not suppose to be a negligent mother as well.

Can someone here help me solve this issue? I am having a real headache. I feel like crying. I have screamed in the shower. I have cried to myself upstairs when I am alone and my girl is with her grandmother downstairs. Yes, nobody said this was easy. But am I not allowed to channel my stress and frustration out? Is this how a supermother should be?

I don’t need people to point out my anger. I do need empathy. I don’t need people to suggest what I could do better. I just need to hear that it’s ok, being a mother is hard work.

That’s all I need to hear. Why is everyone pushing me to the edge?

Crying is not weak. Feeling hurt is not fake. If you feel hurt, it is real. Being sensitive is not a bad trait. Sensitive people are the most helpful, kind and loving people in the world, because they have empathy. The world needs more kindness. And you should be proud you are one of them.


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