Baby or Hubby?

I was asked a peculiar question by my girlfriends in a truth or dare session. I am quite sure the last time I played this game was when I was fourteen years old. We were out celebrating a girlfriend’s 28th birthday. My mum had offered to take care of Emma’s night feedings while I was out gallavanting on a rooftop bar. I was excited to see this place – Stratosphere, The Roof @ First Avenue, Bandar Utama. However, it turned out to be a disappointment. While the view was amazing, and it was a decent place to chill out and chat with drinks, it got really boring after an hour or so. That is how we ended up playing the “Truth or Dare” game. Besides, the drinks menu wasn’t to die for. We had to sign an indemnity form aside from paying a cover charge. The walkway was hazardous. Why put uneven garden tiles, real grass, and rubber mats when a place like this is expecting ladies dressed to the nines in high heels? There was not even enough lighting to save us from tripping over something.

Anyway, this game had dugged out some interesting secrets from each of us. As teenagers, we would ask innocent questions such as, “Have you kissed a guy before?” or “What is the worst thing you’ve lied about?” Now, as matured women, the tables have turned and secrets about kinky acts and sexual fantasies surfaced. And then, I was asked this one question, which I thought was a really good one as it had never crossed my mind before.

“Who do you love more, your baby or your husband?”

I thought about it for awhile. And then I answered my husband. They all thought it was weird that I didn’t say my baby. Don’t get me wrong. I love them both very much. But for some reason, I felt, at this point in time I wouldn’t be able to go on living if my husband was not around. It was a confusing thought. And after that I felt guilty for putting Emma on the sidelines. Perhaps, I miss my husband more than ever these days. In all honesty, my life would be empty without both my husband and my little ladybug.

After some hard partying back downstairs in the building’s club, I drove home replaying the scenes from the night. It felt so good to be out with my girlfriends. It was a break from my usual routine with Emma, and it was what I needed. I could not wait to meet them and just hang out. Although, I realized after that I was constantly thinking of Emma. I would message my mum to ask if she was okay. I would check the time every 10 minutes and contemplate if I should leave early. At the end of it all, I still wanted to go home and rest, but more so be ready for Emma’s next waking and feed her milk in the rocking chair by her crib.

I danced hard when the music got louder. My friends did not want me to leave. I enjoyed the night. It reminded me of the crazy parties during my younger days, and before I got pregnant. Good times. I do miss them.

The night is young, but not for me anymore. I have had the experience; I have lived through it once. Last night, I had a little fun after such a long time of confinement. Now, it is time for me to retreat home. That is where my heart is and will always be. My baby is waiting for me 🙂


2 thoughts on “Baby or Hubby?

  1. I think the question was unfair. It is a differently type of love which (IMO) cannot be compared. I thought you answer was fantastic. The way I see it, husband was there first, marriage came first, eventually the babies will grow and leave and you are left with that person who has been there for so many years before. I think if the husband gets pushed aside/replaced eventually when the babies leave, it will be like living with a stranger. I think the greatest gift to a child is watching their parents love each other. by NO means am I saying you (or anyone) doesn’t love their baby with all they have, but I think it is hard to compare that love as it is so different…. and of course there are exceptions – abuse, alcoholism, etc….

    1. Indeed. That was how I felt too. My husband and I will walk the path of life together and our children will let go of our hands one day to find their own paths. It is definitely a different expression of love. My love for my baby is motherly, nurturing and protective. My love for my husband is soul-like an romance 🙂

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