Week 9: The Tears

I feel like referring to myself as Mummy and my husband as Daddy from now on. Now, wouldn’t that be fun, my little one?

Today, mummy broke down in tears with daddy holding her in his arms. For some reason, mummy started to feel fear. Afraid that mummy won’t be a good enough mother. Afraid of how mummy was going to cope with her new job, especially after you are born. Mummy wants to take care of her little one and nurture him with her care, virtues and heritage. It is mummy’s role as a mother to give you the best. But mummy is afraid she won’t be able to give you that if she has to work 9 hours a day. Plus, we don’t have family close by to help out. Even so, mummy wouldn’t want to put you in complete care of grandma and grandpa. Mummy wants to spend every time with you as much as she can. After all, babies grow up so fast. Time really flies and mummy won’t get back those years when you still want mummy to hold your hand and guide you through life.

Mummy started to question how difficult it is to survive in today’s modern world. Career and finances on one hand, family on the other. Will mummy be able to find the answer to her dilemma? All these thoughts came pouring down on mummy today, and she felt overwhelmed because there was no solution at hand. The worst part was mummy started to feel regret. Are we really ready for this? Perhaps, it was mummy’s fault for suggesting that silly idea to daddy, and now we have you, our little baby, on the way. I felt it was all mummy’s fault. Fortunately, daddy is so kind and understanding. Daddy warmed me back up and assured me that everything is going to be okay. We will be a happy family, whether the finances are right or not. We will make sacrifices for a good reason. Mummy felt horrible … it wasn’t because mummy doesn’t want to have you in our life. Mummy was just worried that we couldn’t give you the best. She started to wonder, is that why couples nowadays wait until much later to start a family? For a man it may be okay, but for a woman … our biological clock is ticking. Our window of opportunity to conceive gets less as we grow older past 30 years old. Mummy wants you to be healthy, my dear baby. Perhaps, the hormones inside of her, which are helping you grow into a big baby, are messing up her emotions. Oh, silly mummy. Well, mummy is finally seeing a little bump in her belly! Not much of a change to differentiate a baby bump from an overeating belly, but still … she can’t wait to see it get bigger!

Love & kisses,

Mummy

Love Letters to My Baby – Week 10

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