Busy bee bumbling along

I have a hard time believing that Jackie visits my blog. But then he made a comment the other day that I change blog themes more often than I write entries.

True (I have to admit).

Although, I do wish I could write more. I feel like my life has come to a standstill and everything is revolving around work. I’d love to pour out my stories but everyday I return home with a drained mind, and it feels so exhausting just trying to recap what happened over the last 8 hours. Sometimes, I just want to forget what had happened because it was that stressful.

Oh, poor blog. I have forgotten that this was my space to release a clogged up mind. I have unknowingly abandoned this site for that matter. Well, I still log in sometimes to work on my new page to document my travels around the world. The most recent one I am working on is my trip to Japan that occured in June. However, it is going to take quite some time before it is published on this site. Too many good memories to capture on this one.

Anyway, it has not been a smooth ride for me at work. Ever since I started in this new role, my ability to effectively manage time slowly deteriorated. I am usually pretty good with planning my work ahead of time, but then again that was university where time was not exactly a constraint. If you know what I mean … there is more flexibility in managing time as a student because really, the only responsibilities are assignments, projects, and exams. Now, imagine the reality in the workforce. There is no such thing as three assignments due and one mid-term to write next week. At work, it is more like 20 tasks on your plate; initiate work on one today, and lo and behold five new tasks pops up the next day. Stretch this over a span of two weeks … gosh, have I really done anything substantial?

I don’t know anymore. I had to talk to a senior engineer about this as I carelessly got myself hitting some major roadblocks due to my poor time management skills. He gave me really good advice though. He asked me to think of my high priority tasks as big rocks and lower priority ones as sand. Then, he asked me to view a period of time as a box. If I fill the sand into the box first, I will never be able to fit the big rocks in. However, if I fit the big rocks in the box first, I can still fill sand into the box through the gaps. Had I known earlier, I would have set my priorities right in the first place.

Truth is, I was afraid of telling people that I do not have time to work on something because I have other priorities. It’s hard to tell someone that when they have a deadline to complete a project. But apparently, that is the way to go and it is as simple as discussing with the leader if there is a conflict with priorities.

At times, I wish I had more guts to trust my performance at work. Recently, I realized that I am being compared to a level equivalent of a senior engineer, which is not at all a good thing because it is not fair for me to be expected to perform at that level as I am just a junior. The positive side of it is that my leader thinks I am capable enough, and sometimes forget that there are certain things that I haven’t experienced yet as a junior engineer. In a way it is a compliment, but in reality not everyone thinks that way. The senior engineers do … but not the rest of the people on site.

Everyday I feel like shutting down my brain once the clock reaches 5 PM. How long more will this last?


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