Back then

Back then … I liked you for a reason. You could not stop bullying me but somehow I saw through your actions, and that you were just trying to get close to me. But back then … I was young. I could not continue liking you for who you are because I wanted more.

Back then … I adored you for a reason. We first met in the school’s morning assembly … when you came to me as a mentor. But back then … you were with another girl, and so I continued to treat you as a close friend. Through the years, we drifted apart as we went our separate ways.

Back then … I had a crush on you for a reason. You were a really nice guy. But back then … what did I know about dating and relationships? Your true colours showed. You liked me for my body and my vulnerability. I had to break away.

Back then … I cared for you for a reason. I thought we could be more than friends. I thought I could feel happy just having someone to care for. But back then … we had different expectations of our relationship. You thought we were more than friends but less that of a couple. I felt we were a couple. Hence, I cut the line so that my heart need not feel the pain of being in the dark; not knowing if you really care for me; not knowing if I am even a part of your life; not knowing if you are just using me.

Back then … I was fond of you for a reason. I felt contented. But back then … the distance between us was a thorn in the relationship. What did I know about parents interfering with my love life.

Back then … I loved you for a reason. I was lost in this new phase of life. I was alone, and you came along as a friend. You were my first love. But back then … I was too afraid of losing you. Then, you had to be further away from me. Perhaps it was fate. There was little trust and lots of uncontrolled emotions flared from my blinded heart. I cried for many nights when you left me at the doorstep of my house.

Back then … I was hurt for a reason. And I thought that being more than friends could heal my wounds. I took my feelings for you seriously, but I made a mistake for not learning from my past failures with long-distance relationships. But back then … how was I to know that even the best of friends may not be able to withstand the challenges with distance when in love?




You asked me, “Why do you have to leave tomorrow?”

What do you expect me to say after all these years?

“Do you want me to stay a little bit longer?”

Please don’t play with my heart anymore. If there is anything that you need to say, just say it out loud. Otherwise, let secrets be secrets … forever locked away.


5 thoughts on “Back then

  1. LOL. This shows how complicated my past love life was.

    You probably don’t know this guy at all because we kinda dated for 2 weeks … and because it was so confusing I shut it off as quickly as possible.

  2. Well, back then – I didn’t care two nuts, and god please bless me and my fragile soul so that I continue not care too much about it anytime soon because I have too many bloody things to do before getting lovestruck!!!! XD

    I still do rather envy you lot though (what great novels of life these love affairs make), & I hope you find a comfy closure to this :X

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