For one thing, I really miss being a student so much now. Even though, I yearned for that independence after graduation … I realize that I am burning out fast. My brain is fried – it’s almost like cooking deep fried squid. I start work at 7 a.m. and finish at 4.30 a.m.. The sad thing still is that I can’t drive myself to work … not at least for another month or so (if I don’t fail that stupid test again). By the time I get home, I’m exhausted. I know I should excercise … maybe go jogging or something … but I have to cook too. That being said … why can’t the company have a proper cafeteria for us workers to eat in? These people at work … they have their wives or whoever to prepare lunches for them. But I don’t!!! What the hell … it’s affecting my overall well-being in the sense that I have to stress over what to eat for lunch the next day. What to cook … what to pack … !#*&@#?!
It hasn’t been a productive day for me. I just found out about a few glitches in my work … on the positive side, I should appreciate the fact that the missing links are found now. But it was stressful. I am still feeling stressed while typing this. I guess you can say I came here to blog because I wanted to take my mind off things for a while (in the mean time waiting for my carpool ride). I feel so disorganized in my thoughts … so green … and vulnerable because I lack the technical knowledge. I want to find a way to boost my confidence at work because I can feel that I am slowly letting myself drown in the black hole. It should not get to a point where I cannot climb back out. That is severe and disappointing.
But I was told that I try to hard. I worry too much and I care too often. Is that what it is … hindering my creativity and communication? I am projecting myself into a different realm? Am I aiming too high of a quality in life? What if I am better off just the way I am? What if this job is not suitable for the likes of me? But I don’t want to give everything up too … I have to admit it is good pay … good living … but does it … truly matter?
It’s so complicated being a woman. Can I just marry a rich guy. I’m pretty sure I’ll work better as a housewife 😛